reliefPosted: April 23, 2012
The waiting in the office is always hard. Reviewing an old magazine with cover ripped asunder allows me to keep hopes and fears in that quiet place inside my heart. People come and go ahead of me, flawed or damaged, just like me incapable of self determination. Instead we wait for counsel from this oracle of health, while I pretend last year’s news intrigues me.
Finally they call my name, and the dance of protocol ensues, a history, weight, blood pressure recorded, so many little steps while the one big question remains unstated.
Tell me good news
Cancer vanquished in the spring
Hope follows darkness
I feel a softness flow over me, relief so tangible I can almost see it move over my body. Yet there is no giddiness, no celebration. I can feel my wife smile, and hear her sigh of relief. But my thoughts are with others who will not hear this same news. How odd, not what I expected to feel. Perhaps I am not the man I was before.
Your shadow lingers
I have stepped into the light
hold my hand tightly
Perhaps tomorrow I will be. There is a stillness, a zen state that comes to me.
Stillness surprises man
The trap escaped, key in hand
dreams live, if he dares
Back at work, a deep exhaustion overcomes me. The day ends. Once home, I lie on the floor and close my eyes while my wife reads patiently nearby.
If you have prayed or hoped for me, I thank you. You have proved to me John Dunne’s words that no man is an island.