in the wild — friday fictioneers — unsubmitted

100 words, written for the Madison Woods Friday Fictioneers, constructive criticism welcomed.

I really struggled here, and didn’t link it back, instead starting over with brambles. If you like one over the other, I would be interested in your thoughts of why – bw

Adventure kept you young — you always laughed
secrets undiscovered, hands held delighted seeking
we two so full of youth it barely mattered

Traversing woods near river’s lazy banks
cross mossy paths, silent footsteps, ancient shady trees
where mosquitoes buzzed our only witness

Brilliant sunlight, secret grove, an Eden
Where abundant berries awaited
Unplundered by the wild and ravenous birds

Sun warmed, we feast and feed each other,
as shadows slowly lengthen
words cease and other hungers stir awake

Eyes sparkling blue, so deep inviting
taste of lips so sweet, delighting
I gently move to share the secrets of your heart

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11 Comments on “in the wild — friday fictioneers — unsubmitted”

  1. jelebelle says:

    Luv it. Beautifully written as usual. Luv the second stanza.

  2. tollykit says:

    Great job here. I did prefer this one. Wonderful

    And for your readers here’s mine
    http://tollykitsjourney.wordpress.com/2012/06/29/raspberries-fridayfictioneers-flashfiction/

  3. Nifti says:

    Great job on this Bill. My comments have been doing this weird thing where they disappear into cyber space, hope this one works.

  4. billgncs says:

    thanks — you are very kind

  5. This is so beautiful….ahhh young love πŸ™‚

  6. I like them both very much but if I had to choose I believe “In the Wild” is my favorite of the two. Perhaps because it is longer but I really like the descriptive woods in this one the ‘traversing woods near river’s lazy banks… just moved me more. but what do I know you are the pro with a wonderful wonderful talent!.

    • billgncs says:

      thank you — I sincerely appreciate your kind words and am glad you liked them. For many years I had stopped writing ( 40 or so ), and now I try to take some small steps foreward.

      bw


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